I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
