Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize