I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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