I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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