He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
