Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
