The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
