only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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