i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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