i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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