Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
