He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
