i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
