So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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