My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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