I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
