It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my shit smells like andre
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
