My nipple is on Facebook.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
