Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
