Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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