So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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