Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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