apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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