Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
