if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
