I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
