yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
