who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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