I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
