Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
where are my eyebrows?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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