I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
