I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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