It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
