The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
