How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
