I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
