New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
