when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
