Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
