Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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