I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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