Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!