I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.