I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
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I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
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he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.