wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.