got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.