oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.