Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF