Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma