Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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