Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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