god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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