Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
