onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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