Me. At least after what I've been through.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
