That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
