I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
