i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
