Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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