I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
