He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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