Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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