If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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