____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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