i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
