"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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