matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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