the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
