Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
