New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
